Najnoveje smenice
naključnih 20 | najboljih 20 | najslabih 20
"Jure, kje si pa bil tako dolgo?" je mama vpraŔala desetletnega sina, ko se je ta vrnil domov.
"S Sonjo sva Ŕla v park in se usedla na klopco, nato pa gledala gospoda in gospo, ki sta sedela na drugi klopci."
"In potem?"
"Potem je pa gospod zaĆØel poljubljati gospo in jaz sem zaĆØel poljubljati Sonjo."
"Kaj je bilo pa potem?"
"Potem je gospod gospe slekel bluzo in ji otipavati prsi, zato sem tudi jaz Sonji slekel bluzo in ji zaĆØel otipavati prsi."
"In potem?" je zgroženo vpraŔala mama.
"Potem je pa gospod slekel gospe Å”e krilo in hlaĆØke in sta odÅ”la v grmovje."
"In vidva?"
"Midva s Sonjo sva Å”la pa domov, ker naju ni tiÅ”ĆØalo kakat!"
Gospod Naso pravi:
*sm hotu it srat neki
Gospod Naso pravi:
*aha
Gospod Naso pravi:
*je telo dehidrirano
Gospod Naso pravi:
*je popilo se sok od dreka
Gospod Naso pravi:
*ne bom mogu srat
La moglie al marito:
Caro... Tu preferisci una donna bella oppure una intelligente?'
Lui: 'Nessuna delle due cara.. Ti voglio bene così come sei!!!!'
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the hell are you doing that?!"
The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."
"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk."
A man gets plastic surgery to look younger (he's 46 years old). After the surgery is done, he's really impressed with the way he looks. As he walks home he stops by a newspaper stand, buys the paper, and asks the guy "How old do you think i am?" The guy replies with "Hmm.. 35?" The man feels really happy and says "Well actually im 46" Then he stops by a butcher shop, buys some meat, and asks the guy "How old do you think i am?" The man says "24?" Again, the guy feels really happy and says "Actually im 46". He stops at a bus stop and sees an old lady (about 80 years old) and asks her "How old do you think i am?" She says "Well, my eyesight is very week but when i was a kid, there was a way to know a mans exact age just by putting my hand in your pants and playing with your 'weenie' for 15 mins" So the man says "Sure, go for it" So she does, and after 15 mins she says "Your 46" The man replies "WOW! THAT WAS AMAZING HOW'D YOU KNOW?!" The old lady laughs and says "I was behind you at the butcher shop"
Al bar, un contadino dice:
- Il mio vicino ha il gallo più pigro che si possa immaginare. Ogni mattina, puntualmente, il mio si mette a cantare per annunciare al mondo intero che sta iniziando un nuovo giorno, e quello del mio vicino si limita ad annuire, in segno d'approvazione!
Novopeeeni ?ef oddelka je ponosno sedel za svojo pisalno mizo. Ko je vstopil prvi obiskovalec, je pograbil telefonsko slu?alko in rekel: "Ja, gospod direktor, res je bil lep veeer pri vas. To bi morala ?e kdaj ponoviti. Ja, ja, direktor, tudi vam, enako, hvala! Se vidiva!"
Ko je odlo?il slu?alko, se je obrnil k obiskovalcu.
"?elite?"
"Pri?el sem vam priklopit telefon!"
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper."
Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says, "Oh my God..."
?tudenti medicine so imeli prvo uro anatomije s pravim elove?kim truplom. Vsi so se zbrali okrog operacijske mize s truplom, pokritim z belo rjuho. Profesor je zaeel uro tako, da jim je rekel: "V medicini je pomembno, da imate kot zdravniki dve pomembni kvaliteti. Prva je, da se vam ne gabi nie, kar je povezano s elove?kim telesom." Za primer je odgrnil rjuho, vtaknil prst v zadnjik trupla, ga povlekel ven in vtaknil v usta. "Izvolite, naredite enako tudi vi," reee ?tudentom. ?tudentje so se zaeeli razburjati, nekaj minut so se upirali, nato pa so seasoma vsi zaeeli vtikati prste v mrtvaka in jih posesali. Ko so koneali, jih je profesor pogledal in jim dejal: "Druga najpomemnej?a kvaliteta je OPAZOVANJE. Vtaknil sem svoj sredinec, posesal pa svoj kazalec. Naueite se biti pozorni!"
Due formiche si sfidano ad una corsa in moto. Partono in sgommata e sfrecciano fra pomodori, lattughe e altre verdure dell'orto. Ad un certo punto BUMMMMMM! La seconda formica torna sui suoi passi e trova la prima sotto la moto messa alquanto male:
- Ma cosa ti è successo?
- Oh, niente... mi è andato un moscerino in un occhio!
UĆØiteljica vpraÅ”a razred: "Će je na ograji pet ptic in lovec ustreli eno, koliko ptic ostane na ograji?" PokliĆØe Miha in on odgovori: "Nobena, ker vse odletijo ob strelu." UĆØiteljica se nasmehne in reĆØe: "Pravilen odgovor je sicer Å”tiri, ampak mi je vÅ”eĆØ tvoje razmiÅ”ljanje." Miha pa se oglasi: "Zdaj imam pa jaz vpraÅ”anje za vas. Tri ženske sedijo na klopi in jedo sladoled. Ena z užitkom liže strani sladoleda iz treh kepic, druga daje v usta cel vrh in sesa kornet, tretja pa grize vrh sladoleda. Katera je poroĆØena?" UĆØiteljica moĆØno zardi in odgovori: "Verjetno tista, ki daje v usta cel vrh in sesa kornet." Miha pove: "Pravilni odgovor je tista, ki nosi poroĆØni prstan, ampak mi je vÅ”eĆØ vaÅ”e razmiÅ”ljanje."
Un leprotto viene investito da un trattore. Si sta ancora riassestando dopo la botta ricevuta, quando un toro si avvicina e lo deride:
- Ma come?!? Nonostante le orecchie che ti ritrovi non l'hai sentito arrivare?
- E tu allora? - ribatte il leprotto - Che, nonostante le palle che ti ritrovi, c'hai le corna?
Maksim / Greystanes - Sydney, AU (+10:00) pravi:
kako ste se zmutli :D
Tikrit pravi:
ona se je slekla
Tikrit pravi:
in on je padu dol
Tikrit pravi:
k je zasmrdelo
Tikrit pravi:
in pol je rekla: MOJ JE!
Maksim / Greystanes - Sydney, AU (+10:00) pravi:
alora ni mel druge izbire
Tikrit pravi:
in on se ni mogu upret
Tikrit pravi:
in pac..
Maksim / Greystanes - Sydney, AU (+10:00) pravi:
bogi :(
Tikrit pravi:
ja
Tikrit pravi:
meni se tudi smili
Tikrit pravi:
sam..taku je..
An Arab at the airport:
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no? I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn?t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast !
?ena (histerieno): "Bolje bi bilo, ee bi se poroeila s hudieem !!!"
Mo? (totalno cool): "Draga, poroke med sorodniki so prepovedane."
"PAPĆ, Ć VERO CHE IN CERTI PAESI AFRICANI UN UOMO NON CONOSCE LA PROPRIA MOGLIE FINCHĆ NON LA SPOSA?"."SUCCEDE IN TUTTI I PAESI,FIGLIOLO"
Haso je obiskal lenega Mujota.
Mujo je Hasa prosil, naj mu gre na podstresje po copate.
Haso je sel in na podstresju nasel Mujovo zeno in hcerko obe goli in
pravi lepotici. Pa je rekel: "Dober dan, gospe, Mujo me je poslal, da vaju nategnem!"
Nista mu verjeli, pa je rekel, da bo dokazal.
Sel je do stopnic in se dol zadrl: "Ej, Mujo, a obe?"
Mujo je odgovoril: "Ja, obe."