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crusader says
jaz bi hekal nekaj zanimivega
crusader says
in zivel v jami
ko batman
crusader says
to the geek cave
in se geekmobil rabim

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Kaj je martincek? Krokodil, ki je bil v reji na Gorenjskem.

Prodam kravo metal šekaste barve, hi-fi vimeni, niskoprofilni parkli, cena 2000 mark, možna zamenjava s kravo ali bikom ki to bere. :D

Šestnajstletnica gre prviè sama na zabavo. Ker je prijetna na pogled jo skrbi, kaj naj stori, ko jo bodo fantje osvajali. Vpraša mamo in ta ji svetuje, da ko se bo kateri od fantov preveè spozabil naj ga vpraša: "Kakšno ime bova dala najinemu otroku?", to ga bo zagotovo odgnalo. Na zabavi je kmalu plesala s fantom, ki se je hitro spozabil. Dekle mu zastavi vprašanje: "In kako bo ime najinemu otroku?", fant si izmisli izgovor in izgine. Kasneje se zgodba ponovi. Tudi naslednji fant se ustraši in izgine. Malo kasneje jo prijeten mladeniè povabi na sprehod. Po nekaj minutah sprehoda se tudi ta spozabi in jo poljubi, zato ga vpraša: "Kako bova imenovala najinega otroka?", a on se ne da motiti in jo poèasi slaèi. "Kako bo ime najinemu otroku?" ga ponovno vpraša. On pa kar nadaljuje in z nje sleèe še zadnje cunjice. "Kako bo ime najinemu otroku?!" vztraja ona, a žal je bilo že prepozno, fant sname napolnjen kondom, ga z vozlom zaveže in reèe: "Èe pride ven iz tega, bo David Copperfield!"

V srednji šoli uèitelj napoveduje zadnji preizkus znanja v šolskem letu: "Nihèe ne sme manjkati! Ni opravièila, razen za težje bolezni ali smrt v ožji družini." Seveda se vedno najde kakšen pameten v zadnji klopi: "Kaj pa v primeru seksualne izèrpanosti?". Smeh v razredu. Sledi mirni uèiteljev odgovor: "Boš pa z drugo roko pisal."

So Slovenec, Kitajec in Japonec šli k èebelnjaku in so se stavili, da najmanj popikani dobi 1000€. Pa je prvi šel notri Japonec in je prišel ven po pol ure ves popikan od èebel. Za njim je odšel Kitajec in èez dobro uro prišel ven še bolj popikan. Zadnji je na vrsto prišel Slovenec in odšel v èebelnjak in se vrnil po dveh urah ven èisto brez pika. Pa ga druga dva vprašata kako mu je uspelo, Slovenec pa odgovori: "Ja eno èebelo sem ubil ostale pa so odšle na pogreb"

V šoli pri slovenšèini uèitelj vpraša:Zakaj je narobe èe reèem:Jaz sem šel proè?Glas iz klopi:Ker ste še tukaj!

V vagonu sedijo Amerièan, Kitajec, Slovenec in Bosanec.
Naenkrat vstane Kitajec in vrže skozi okno košaro riža.
Amerièan ga zaèudeno pogleda in vpraša:
"Zakaj si vrgel riž skozi okno, ali ga in škoda ..."
"Ah, na Kitajskem imamo riža kot peska." odgovori Kitajec.
Malo kasneje vstane Amerièan in skozi okno vrže šop dolarjev. Slovenec
se prestraši in ga vpraša:
"Zakaj si pa vrgel dolarje skozi okno?"
"Ah, v Ameriki imamo dolarjev kot v pravljici!" pravi Amerièan.
Vsi štirje še naprej sedijo in se vozijo na vlaku, ko Slovenec pogleda
Bosanca, Bosanec pa hitro reèe:
"Nemoj sluèajno da ti padne na pamet..."

"CARO, IL MEDICO DICE CHE PER GUARIRE DEVO ANDARE UN MESE AL MARE ED UNO IN MONTAGNA" "DOVE ANDIAMO PER PRIMA?"-"DA UN ALTRO MEDICO!!"

"PAPÁ, É VERO CHE IN CERTI PAESI AFRICANI UN UOMO NON CONOSCE LA PROPRIA MOGLIE FINCHÉ NON LA SPOSA?"."SUCCEDE IN TUTTI I PAESI,FIGLIOLO"

Uèiteljica vpraša razred: "Èe je na ograji pet ptic in lovec ustreli eno, koliko ptic ostane na ograji?" Poklièe Miha in on odgovori: "Nobena, ker vse odletijo ob strelu." Uèiteljica se nasmehne in reèe: "Pravilen odgovor je sicer štiri, ampak mi je všeè tvoje razmišljanje." Miha pa se oglasi: "Zdaj imam pa jaz vprašanje za vas. Tri ženske sedijo na klopi in jedo sladoled. Ena z užitkom liže strani sladoleda iz treh kepic, druga daje v usta cel vrh in sesa kornet, tretja pa grize vrh sladoleda. Katera je poroèena?" Uèiteljica moèno zardi in odgovori: "Verjetno tista, ki daje v usta cel vrh in sesa kornet." Miha pove: "Pravilni odgovor je tista, ki nosi poroèni prstan, ampak mi je všeè vaše razmišljanje."

V eni hribovski vasici bogu za hrbtom je živela mlada Micka. Nekega jutra se zbudi in med nogami zaèuti moèno šèemenje, ki ni in ni nehalo. Po par dnevih se odpravi vprašat župnika za nasvet, kako naj se reši tega šèemenja.

"Veš, to ti je muha noter zlezla in zdaj ne more ven, zato te tako srbi. Vem, kakšna je rešitev a ti žal ne smem pomagati ker sem župnik."

Micka žalostna zapusti cerkev. Na polju vidi soseda Poldeta, kako v potu svojega znoja okopava krompir. Pove mu vse glede muhe in ga zaprosi za pomoè, Polde pa:

"Jaz bi ti že rade volje pomagal a sem žal prestar za kaj takega."

Nato pride do pašnika, kjer je pasel krave mlad postaven pastir. Ko mu
zaupa svoj problem in ga zaprosi za pomoè se pastir veselo nasmehne in ji reèe, naj sleèe obleko. Micka jo sleèe. Modrèek je kar pokal od napetih prsi,gate pa so bol odkrivale kot skrivale njeno mednožje. Potem ji pastir reèe, naj sleèe še to dvoje, se uleže predenj in da noge narazen.

Micka ga brez obotavljanja uboga. Nato tudi patir sleèe svoje hlaèe pa
gate, poèepne pred Micko in se poserje.

"Èe to ne bo zvabilo muhe ven, potem pa res ne vem, kako še pomagat."

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby and the bus driver says under his breath: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me...what an asshole!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him to fuck off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Escaped convict went into the house, tied the husband on the chair and wife on the bed. He kissed wife's ear and went in the bathroom, the husband said to the wife that "Satisfy him otherwise he will kill both of us. I love you don't worry'.
The wife replied - "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he's a gay and looking for Vaseline. You satisfy him and I also love you"

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper."
Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says, "Oh my God..."

A man gets plastic surgery to look younger (he's 46 years old). After the surgery is done, he's really impressed with the way he looks. As he walks home he stops by a newspaper stand, buys the paper, and asks the guy "How old do you think i am?" The guy replies with "Hmm.. 35?" The man feels really happy and says "Well actually im 46" Then he stops by a butcher shop, buys some meat, and asks the guy "How old do you think i am?" The man says "24?" Again, the guy feels really happy and says "Actually im 46". He stops at a bus stop and sees an old lady (about 80 years old) and asks her "How old do you think i am?" She says "Well, my eyesight is very week but when i was a kid, there was a way to know a mans exact age just by putting my hand in your pants and playing with your 'weenie' for 15 mins" So the man says "Sure, go for it" So she does, and after 15 mins she says "Your 46" The man replies "WOW! THAT WAS AMAZING HOW'D YOU KNOW?!" The old lady laughs and says "I was behind you at the butcher shop"

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.

About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the hell are you doing that?!"

The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."

"WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.

The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk."

"Jure, kje si pa bil tako dolgo?" je mama vprašala desetletnega sina, ko se je ta vrnil domov.
"S Sonjo sva šla v park in se usedla na klopco, nato pa gledala gospoda in gospo, ki sta sedela na drugi klopci."
"In potem?"
"Potem je pa gospod zaèel poljubljati gospo in jaz sem zaèel poljubljati Sonjo."
"Kaj je bilo pa potem?"
"Potem je gospod gospe slekel bluzo in ji otipavati prsi, zato sem tudi jaz Sonji slekel bluzo in ji zaèel otipavati prsi."
"In potem?" je zgroženo vprašala mama.
"Potem je pa gospod slekel gospe še krilo in hlaèke in sta odšla v grmovje."
"In vidva?"
"Midva s Sonjo sva šla pa domov, ker naju ni tišèalo kakat!"